And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
