I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
