the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
