Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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