Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
