Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
