Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
