the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize