I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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