wrigley field is MILF paradise
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
