Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
