mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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