Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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