i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
