Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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