hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I understand Curling. That high.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
