I showed him my bush... on skype.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
