So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
