I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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