dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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