allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My vagina just recognized that song.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
