Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
