So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
In other news, I just burned my penis
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
