So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
