Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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