Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
