I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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