Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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