Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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