I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
