the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
