I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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