Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
