This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
