We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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