dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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