how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
