Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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