my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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