I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
