dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
