she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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