I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
