oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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