He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i think i just lost a toe
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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