Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
