yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
zippers are such a cool invention
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize