Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
