He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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