you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
