Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize