i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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