And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You can't special order awesome
I've blown a few things in my day
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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