I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
