Swine flu is the new snow day.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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