i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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