she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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