i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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