dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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