she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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