I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
