I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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