You made me cry and you don't even care
operation have a gay friend backfired
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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