Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
