Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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