apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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