He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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